They’re stealing the swans
Of the people that live there.
In a week of Epstein files, mass demonstrations and the ongoing cold war between the president and the foreign minister, I’ve become obsessed with a completely different story.
The phantom swan thief of Prague.
It has everything.
Crime. Corruption. The limitations of Czech law.
First off, I’d like to thank the prahazdarma.cz Facebook page for drawing my attention to this insane story and allowing me to reproduce their revelations (and photos) here.
Prague, like most river capitals, has a sizeable population of swans.
Incredibly, over the last year or so, 150 of them have gone missing.
Not missing as in wandered off, or drowned, or eaten by wolves. Missing as in stolen. Someone’s been nicking them.
Before you say - hold on, how do you steal a swan? Well, this is how:
As Novinky.cz reported in late January, an eyewitness managed to record a video of an unknown man grabbing a swan on Prague’s Smíchov embankment and stuffing it into a cage in the boot of his car.
In the video you can hear the eyewitness challenging the man but he mumbles something before making off with the bird.
Well.
According to the Czech Ornithological Society, this ‘unknown man’ is in fact very much known.
He’s been identified as an experienced ornithologist who steals swans from the River Vltava and then sells them on the black market.
White swans. Black market. Grey area.
Prahazdarma.cz spoke to the Wildlife Rescue Station in Plzeň, West Bohemia, which supplied more details.
The man, from South Bohemia, has already been caught numerous times with swans in the boot of his car. He usually clips the rings off. He’s been fined on several occasions, but knows full well the loopholes in Czech law.
As Prahazdarma.cz writes, those loopholes allow him to continue happily nabbing the birds. The police and the justice system have bigger, er, fish to fry. The law falls short when it comes to swan smuggling.
Danger to society? None.
Theft? Swans don’t belong to anyone, not even the state.
Criminal damage? Swans have no monetary value.
Poaching under the Hunting Act? Swans are not listed as game animals.
Killing birds for consumption? He doesn’t kill or consume them.
Hunting a protected species? He doesn’t. And they’re not protected.
Animal cruelty? He picks them up and puts them in a cage.
And so on.
All he receives (when he happens to be caught) is a small fine for a misdemeanour.
And the swans are just the beginning. He allegedly specialises in smuggling birds of prey, owls, waterfowl, parrots - even dogs - to customers both in this country and abroad. With almost no legal consequences.
Swans occupy a peculiar place in the public imagination.
The case of the Prague poacher brought to mind all those reports in the British tabloid press of Ukrainians (and before that Poles) accused of stealing swans for food.
The claims inevitably lacked any evidence, echoing centuries-old tropes aimed at Roma and Jews.
For a start, swans are not terribly tasty - their meat is described as tough, oily and fishy.
The King’s fowl
Long gone are the days when they were a delicacy at medieval banquets; eating swan without permission was a criminal offence in England by the late Middle Ages.
It is also absolutely true - it’s not a myth - that all unmarked mute swans in England and Wales technically belong to the British Crown (Charles has no legal claim to swans in Scotland and Northern Ireland).
But back to the stolen swans of Prague.
Our ornery ornithologist is clearly an active swan snatcher but even he cannot have taken 150 birds in a year, says the Czech Ornithological Society.
Which means others are at it too.
They urge the public to film or photograph any such activity and pass it to the police.
So now you know what to do the next time you see one being bundled into the boot of a Škoda Octavia.
That tief needs to have Trainer unleashed on them. Have you heard about the male swan attacking water sports people in Plzen? They called him Trainer and tried to relocate him several times, but he keeps coming back.